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Sep. 9th, 2013 | 02:12 pm

Like a bolt out of the blue.
Old feelings become new.
They were always meant for you.
Taking time to renew.

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Thought i'd do this again.

Feb. 26th, 2012 | 12:40 am

DisorderRating
Paranoid Disorder:High
Schizoid Disorder:Low
Schizotypal Disorder:High
Antisocial Disorder:Low
Borderline Disorder:Very High
Histrionic Disorder:Moderate
Narcissistic Disorder:High
Avoidant Disorder:Very High
Dependent Disorder:High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --
-- Personality Disorders --

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Another Year..

Dec. 14th, 2011 | 08:09 pm
mood: determineddetermined

is coming to a close. I swear it gets faster each time! This time last year i was just beginning to get ill.. more ill than i'd realise, body went on shutdown, which lasted til mid january, if i recall correctly and i blame stress completely. So i left 2010 feeling like death and entered 2011 feeling just the same! The end of this year has been quite different, as far as stress is concerned, i'm more on top of it, i'm also spending xmas at my boyfriends, i've never spent xmas away from home so i'm determined to enjoy it!

As for the new year, i'm feeling considerably better about the thought of returned to the working world, scared but more equipped, i think :p but yes, i have plans i am determind to follow through because i cannot continue on the way i am going. I've said similar before but just couldn't get 'there'. This time i shall try again and i will keep trying til i get to where i want to be, i will not give up.. i can't or i may aswell just lie down and die.

Things have come around which i'm quite pleased about, again, it is scary but if i don't face up to this stuff how will i ever get better and enjoy living to the full again.

I believe time is definitely key to getting better, that and patience of course. :)

So i'll leave this entry by saying Happy Xmas to you and see you on the other side! :)

<3
xxxxxx

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WWE: Greatest Rivalries - Shawn Michaels vs. Bret Hart

Nov. 11th, 2011 | 06:20 am

All i can say is, i needed tissues! It's such a wonderful thing to see and live through and re-live through if, like me, you spent most of your life watching Bret and Shawn :D

Definitely worth the money and a fantastic gift if you're buying it for someone who loves wrestling.
I sound like a review! Haha!

I just can't get over how much i love these dvds :)
Brings me back, if not, drags me back to who i am... a HUGE wrestling fan/ Bret Hart fan and Shawn Michaels fan :D <3 x

Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou for making this dvd!!!

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Oct 2011..

Oct. 22nd, 2011 | 12:15 am

Hi! So, been trying to live a bit more this year.. sounds weird maybe :p but i have been trying :) The end of the year is approaching again.. surprisingly fast :0o ..

Having trouble recalling this year... well, went out on nights out alittle more :D Oh, guess what, got ill last month, horridly... weird cold, ear infection, bad throat/lost voice.. just plain ill... think the ear infection/deafness in my left ear caused my throat to go to shit..lol...thats all cleared up now thank goodness!

The ol' anxiety is still a pain in the ass.. causing me to severely shy away from things i wana do.. simple things such as going in a shop i haven't been in before, for example.. a cafe.. makes me over think how i'll be seen in them.. so in the end i don't go in.. which sounds silly as, really, its mostly me judging how they will see me.. which in reality..it will only be as as a customer, which is nothing really (in a good way)....... but also, its the customers themselves that worry me too....... ugh, i can't stand social anxiety, ruins so much of what so many other ppl find fun n stuff.

Life - struggle, as it probs is for a lot of people... i feel so self absorbed sometimes.. its not a selfish thing though, which confuses me... what depression does..n stuff... makes you 'think' sooooooooooo much... and dwell on it... cos it's all you know really.. but cos its a 'sad' thing people think its you being really selfish and mean and not trying to be happy.. when infact its actually the opposite.. for me atleast.. i HATE feeling so low and sad... but its all i can feel most of the time.. like im trapped... and there it goes again.. makes me souund self absorbed n selfish :p or is it just me? lol SOOOO CONFUSING :p Who thought trying to feel happy could be such an awkward ride?! lol

I'm one of them people who are actually full of hope.. believe it or not :p

I really hope i made some sense :)

Hope everyone else is doing well :D

Anyhow, i shall see you next year probably. judging by my recent entries.. months apart, haha!

Taataa!
xx
:D

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End of 2010 update.

Dec. 29th, 2010 | 07:54 am

Yep and what a load of poo it is lol I became ill mid december with a bad throat/lost voice which gradually went a week before xmas, then xmas day i wake up and i have another sore throat!! So i spent xmas day night in bed and a few days after that it turned into tonsillitis :@ which now means i can't enjoy new years either cos i'm on a course of penicillin for a week so i won't be able to drink, but atleast most of this awful pain will be gone for it, i hope!

Apart from that i got some lovely xmas presents :D A few Hello Kitty stuff :D Perfumes and stuff :D

Ummm, yeh, so basically been ill for about a month in total :0p Wooo, go me :0p

Hope everyone out there is doing better than i am at the moment! :D

See you in 2011!

xxxxxx

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Update.

Nov. 11th, 2010 | 10:48 am
mood: okayokay

I thought i'd make a note about something, so here goes..

Going on a long winded journey to Scotland tomorrow with Seb and his family :) I say long winded cos we will be making 2 stop overs before we actually reach Scotland, i'm really looking foward to it.

Back tracking slighty, i went to the docs last friday morning to ask to go back on medication, he asked me to fill out a form with questions on it asking you how you've been feeling over the past 2 weeks (i'm soo familiar with those forms) and then continued to ask me questions about myself and how i'm feeling in general and for once i actually hear the words 'yes, you have moderate depression'.. even though i've been on med on and off for about 6 years i've never heard those words said to me so i was always unsure whether my depression was just in my head.. it makes sense to me, but at the same time i always knew something wasn't quite 'balanced' with me, but yes that little sentence has provided a lot of relief.

On day 4 of med today, haven't taken it yet.. i can't comment on how they're making me feel cos its too soon to tell, i just hope they kick in cos for the past few months i know my mood has slipped back down severely, i don't know if this is cos i haven't been on med for a while or its just circumstances making me feel worse, but either way i wanted to call upon med to give me a lift :)

Other than that i've been seeing alot of my good friend Helen, been going out and enjoying myself as much as i could, its been quite uplifting for me during my low mood.
Been going out to the cinema, shopping, drinking and dancing.. well the past 2 times i went out drinking i couldn't enjoy it to the fullest cos of stupid heartburn etc. But i still loved being able to go out.

Anywho, thats about it, hope you lot are all doing well.

XxXxXx

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Birthday!

Sep. 3rd, 2010 | 02:02 am

So, today is my birthday and i'm turning 32 at 8pm :)

Slightly shocked at how fast my life speeding up yet i feel like i cant keep up with it.
Apart from that i guess i'm ok. :)

Went on holiday to Torquay in july, i loved it :)

Going on a short holiday in just under a week to Great Yarmouth, so i'm looking forward to that, i've been spending every other month this year at Sebs home, which is really nice.

I've recently taken up running as a hopeful hobby, mainly to get me fit again and lose some weight but also for something to do with my time and kickstart my joy of living again :)

So apart from that there isn't alot more to say :0p

Bye!


xxxxxx

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My Owen Hart memory/Martha's lawsuit.

Aug. 3rd, 2010 | 12:33 pm

I can see both points from Martha and Bret Hart.. both have reasons to why the lawsuit should/shouldn't be happening.. i actually happen to agree with both of them after reading alittle more into it.

Martha doesn't want her children reminded of what happened, which i fully understand, she doesn't want anyone thinking shes endorsing anything the WWE is putting out there since Owen's death. And i quote 'it is in direct disregard of Martha's and her children's objections.'

However, Bret has a point also cos as his brother he doesn't really want to see Owen's name and history wiped from the WWE as it was his career/fame and the people/fans would still like to see Owen's name up there. Bret states that he finds it ridiculous that Martha and her children want to pretend Owen was never a wrestler.. in a way i guess a reason for this is because its too painful for them to remember Owen that way and want to remember him only as a husband and father. Reality is, Owen was a public figure, and a good one, others want to remember him that way and still get to see what he did during his life. I kind of get what Bret means by her maybe using this second lawsuit as publicity for herself but at the same time how else is she going to go about it, it was so public what happened to Owen, it kind of makes sense to keep the second lawsuit that way.

I was in full support of the first lawsuit (of wrongful death) and part of me does understand why she has started a second one but is it really all worth it, Owen is gone, let him rest, let people honor his life.

There has to be a half way point for Martha and Vince, surely?

At this rate there is just going to be these never ending lawsuits being filed.

Would Owen want all this happening? We will never ever know.

As much as i love wrestling i didn't love what happened to Owen, it was awful, terrible and just heartbreaking and i never want to see such a thing happen again.

Keep Owen's memory alive by remembering him for how good he was (as a wrestler and a family man etc) and not just because of what happened to him. <3
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On a more personal note, this one being the sad part, i was watching and taping WWE Over the Edge ppv live (the night Owen fell) on tv, i was half alsleep as it was about 1.30 - 2am when it happened.. all we saw was Owens interview he filmed earlier in the day on our screens. After it was done we were taken to a shot of the crowd in the arena avoiding showing the ring. This was because Owen had fell during the showing of his interview. This made me keep my eyes open even though i was so tired, Jim Ross told us they had a real problem on their hands and that it was a real as it gets and went on to explain that Owen had fell from his harness, as that was all they knew at the time, and that the emt's were working on him. :( I felt odd and sad and actually believed Owen was going to be ok.. or so i hoped.
I think it was about an hour or maybe less that they informed us that Owen had died.. the second i heard the word 'died' i was wide awake and in disbelief. :(
I still feel that way when i see the video of it. Just awful. :(
I was sad about it for weeks, still am.
I'd never seen anything so tragic, live especially, like it before.


On the happier part of this note i'd just like to recall when i got to see Owen live in the UK at an event called Mayhem in Manchester, it went straight to video which i bought as well as going to :).

I was 6 rows from the front and i remember him in a tag team match, i think he partnered with Ken Shamrock, and at one point Owen was on the apron of the ring, he turned and looked in my direction (as well as alot of other peoples on my side of the arena :0p ) and gave out a huge wave and smile.. i waved back amounst the many other waving hands because it actually seemed he looked right at me.. but ofcourse i could of been mistaken. :)

The second happier part of my note will remain the great memory i have knowing i got so close yet so far to Owen Hart :)

RIP Owen <3

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Pip <3

May. 28th, 2010 | 02:00 pm
mood: sadsad

Well, basically he has cancer and is pretty much deaf and blind, hes lost alot of weight and is kinda weak, but he still knows when he needs to go pee and eat n drink, so thats nice.. umm.. so yeh, the time is sooner than i expected.. i had to write this now so you guys kinda get why i'm so sad :0p and i don't really wana be writing about it when the day comes, which will be within the month.. i think.

So yeh, hes one of the most amazing dogs i've ever met.. he picked me at the kennels :) hes my little bro, hes made it to 17 which is amazing and i love him to bits. <3

xxxxxx


Update - Pip is being put to sleep on monday 21st June 2010. Hes just so weak now and the growth thing in his mouth has come back and causing him too much pain to be able to eat but he still asks for food cos he must be starving, mum is feeding him dog paste but even then he has trouble keeping it down and hes on pain med alot now and is getting even skinnier so as sad as it is i think hes trying to tell us its time <3


Update - I just got a msg from mum saying it was as peaceful as when Buster (our other dog) went and thats about as peaceful as it gets..she thinks Pip's with Buster now driving him mad, hehe. RIP little man, leave alittle room for me :) <3


Heres a couple of my fave pics of me and Pip from 2007 :)
Photobucket

Photobucket

And another from 2009 :)
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